[personal profile] plug_in_baby57
Title: Scared of the Dark
Rating: T
Warnings: Depression, Suicide.
Wordcount: 724



The darkness follows wherever he steps. A looming shadow always in the corner of his eye, or an icy claw causing shivers by dragging up his spine. Under the shining sun, the darkness abates, just a little. His shoulders are no longer dragged down, he can look up again, there's a distantly remembered twitch at the corner of his mouth. Without the darkness, he can almost see things being fine for once. Hope gathers in his heart, a triumphant return is on the cards.

Then suddenly, he's alone again. Hope is delayed, leaving a message that it'll be along later. The darkness sits with him. He would almost call it his only friend but for the fact that it terrifies him. When he's alone too long, the shadow overwhelms him. He is taken by the darkness and colour leaves them. The radiant reds, brilliant blues and gleaming greens are replaced by the darkness. What were once the brightest tones are dull and grey. The cheery, joyful, magnificent sounds turn into a grating, flat monotone. Once glorious food tastes like ashes in his mouth. Gone are the familiar, comforting smells of his home, replaced by a vague annoyance.

The darkness comes over him with a leering smile and everything leaves him. He has achieved nothing, contributed zero and helped no one. He is a lead weight chained to the ankles of his loved ones. They would be flying if not for him. It's only his existence that is keeping them grounded. When the darkness take him, he knows this. He is aware that he has no worth and it's impossible to change that. Trying, at anything will result in failure. It's a gargantuan effort to do something as simple as getting out of bed. He barely manages to eat enough. He doesn't deserve what little he does eat. It's hardly fair that he should have it when someone else will enjoy it much more. The thought enters his mind that maybe he shouldn't linger, just hurry and embrace the final good night.

It flickers but never quite stays. The darkness loosens it's grip slightly, no longer smothering but still surrounding him. He entertains the thought of telling people about the way the shadows grab him. No one will believe him though. He is sure of it. He has no reason for feeling such despair despite the grip the darkness holds. He could shout from the rooftops and no one would help, he'll just be called crazy. No one wants to hear it, no one's going to help. It's just him and the darkness and he only has one direction to run.

He's stood on the edge before, peered over to see the waves crashing against the rocks below. If the impact doesn't do it, he'll be dragged under. He can't swim, he knows there will be no escape. He walked away before, a faint glimmer of hope dragged him away from the edge. He doesn't know if it'll be there the next time. He hopes he'll be forgotten when he finally chooses the drop. He's already causing enough trouble, he doesn't want anyone to be sad. He doesn't want this darkness to claim anyone else, so he wants to leave with the smallest disturbance possible.

The darkness pushes him towards the edge but before he's peering over once again, it leaves. Suddenly, bright colours hurt his eyes, he can hear music that's pleasant to the ear. Things are looking up. His senses return to him in all their glorious range. He convinces himself that it was all just a little blip. Just a bad day or two. After all, there's nothing wrong with his life and the world seems so happy that it would be impossible to feel that sort of devastation.

It almost works. There's just a slight imperfection. A small shadow in the corner, barely noticeable. For a short while it's just a shadow. But it grows larger and the room starts to feel colder. It's dark, somehow it's too dark. Although it doesn't dominate his view, the darkness continues to grow and it gets colder. Sometimes he thinks he sees a figure in the shadow, with claws and a disconcerting grin. He shakes off the notion but the darkness doesn't leave him alone. He fears it. The darkness follows wherever he steps.

Date: 2010-07-18 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leskuh.livejournal.com
You mean so much to me, Cam. I wish I could hug you forever and never let go and I'm so so sorry that you're feeling this way and I know it's at least partly my fault and I hate that, because I never want to hurt you ever.

It's a powerful story, but it scares the shit out of me. You can still talk to me about anything, Cam. Even if it's something that has to do with me. I know it's not easy and I'm sorry that I haven't been around so much and just... I care about you a lot, Cameron.

Date: 2010-07-18 01:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plug-in-baby57.livejournal.com
Hey, I can't talk right now but I'll find the time tonight.

Date: 2010-07-18 02:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leskuh.livejournal.com
<3

I only get off work at 8 pm EST tonight, but I should be around for awhile after that.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-07-20 11:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plug-in-baby57.livejournal.com
And here I was thinking that maybe this would turn out fine...

Ramsey, I have other friends. Some of them happen to be female. It doesn't matter. You're not my girlfriend Ramsey and I'm not shagging other girls behind your back. I like Alyssa, I enjoy her company and I can talk to whomever I like.

I've seen this happen with you before but I thought I'd give you a chance. You failed and now you have to make a choice.

Be nice or gtfo.

Date: 2010-07-20 08:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leskuh.livejournal.com
Wow. You should probably stop jumping to conclusions and making unfounded assumptions about people.

Ramsey, I don't know you and I have -infinity interest in getting into a pissing contest with you.

Date: 2010-07-20 09:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plug-in-baby57.livejournal.com
Don't worry, words have been had. She should be leaving you alone now.

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